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Here! I'm here!

It's Monday!  I'm present and accounted for!  I've got loads to accomplish before the end of the day so hang with me here, okay?  I was not in a great mood last evening, but prayertime and sleep have turned the tide.

I was supposed to take care of the kids yesterday so Jennifer could work.  So, around 7AM I called to find out when and where I was supposed to have them.  Jennifer called me back to say she'd bring them by around 9.  I was grateful that I could stay here and work on the scazillion things that need done around here rather than heading to the far side of town.  (Heading to the far side of town usually gets a load or two of laundry and dishes done at Jen's house by yours truly but doesn't help with my many projects one bit!)  Later, Jen called again to tell me that she had fallen back asleep and things were not going as planned but she'd bring the kids by around 12:30.  The next phone call I got was that Jason would bring the kids by around 2:30PM.  Then around 2:20PM Jason called.  I guess I was vacuuming at the time as I didn't hear the phone but found a phone message sometime later saying they had just gotten started on "the project"(?) and it would be later before they got here.  By 4:00PM I called Jennifer to let her know that the kids still weren't here since she planned to pick them up from here around 4:30.  My entire day was spent waiting which is not something I do well.  And, if I'd known first thing that they wouldn't be here til 12:30PM, I could have gone to an early church service.  Or If I'd known at 11 that they wouldn't be here til 2:30, I could have gone to a late church service.  Or, if I'd known at..........well, anyway, you see what I mean.  I totally lost control of my entire day. 

I do know one thing.  This is the last weekend I can play this game.  1099's and W-2's are supposed to be mailed today and I already have 4 tax appointments scheduled.  I have to KNOW what time I have available to meet with clients.   If I agree to keep the kids in the morning, then I will almost certainly have tax appointments in the afternoon.  And, if they're supposed to be picked up by 1:30PM, then they'll need to be picked up by 1:30PM because I could very likely have clients showing up at 2PM or errands that have to be run in a very small window of time because all the rest of my time is booked with tax appointments.  I don't think clients would take too well to me running away from my desk to pull Elizabeth out of the dogfood or to change Atticus's diaper. 

Thankfully I used the waiting time well.  I did some shredding.  I washed the kitchen floor, I dusted most of the living room and will finish that up today.  I made some progress on that corner of the office I've been working on.  I managed to dig the dining room table out from under some of the junk I've piled there the last few days.  I carried more stuff in from the car and more trash to the outside can.  And, I got the office and most of the living room and dining room vacuumed.  I'm still having to stop and clear dog hair out of the tube in the vacuum cleaner, but not quite so often anymore.  That sure makes vacuuming easier on my back.

I didn't really have a meal yesterday, but I did have a good sized taste of the pasta salad that was left over from Saturday and I even munched on a bit of the leftover cole slaw.  I thought I was sick of cole slaw just because making 9 x the recipe was a bit much, but I had to taste it and see what everyone was raving about.  Yeah, it IS pretty darn good. Anyway, I was glad I got as much done as I did. 

So, today, I'll do it all over again, except that by this evening perhaps I will have dusted ALL of the living room and vacuumed the whole front part of the house.  I'd like that.  And, I expect I will have more wood visible on the dining room table as well. 

Random thought:  Hey, I gotta tell you:  I like Chase Bank.  I was banking with Wamu when the buy out happened.  So far I've found Chase's employees to be friendly and helpful.  They make money available, even from out-of-state checks, the day after they're deposited.  AND, I ordered checks just a week ago and got my FREE checks in the mail already.  That seems to me to add up to some pretty good service.  As you can see, I'm still working on that "focus" thing.........

I've had a number of requests for the coleslaw recipe.  I will be sending that out in e-mail to various people, so I guess I will offer it here as well.  I first started making this slaw more than 20 years ago.  When I worked for the government, we used to have an annual pot luck at Christmas time.  And one man would always bring this slaw.  And I finally got his recipe.  He was from Yugoslavia and claimed it was an old family recipe.  In fact, if I remember correctly, he said it was really his father-in-law that made the slaw for him so he or his wife didn't have to be bothered.  It's really pretty easy.

Slavko's Cole Slaw

One head of green cabbage

One green pepper (I used an orange pepper because I liked the color and the milder flavor)

One onion

Shred the cabbage.  I always do this with a knife, but I'm sure you could do it in a food processor if that appeals to you.  But, be sure you remove the knife blade and only shred it.  It's not supposed to be chopped fine.  I'm about as fast with the knife as with the food processor......  Chop the pepper fine.  Throw it into your big bowl along with your cabbage.  Thinly slice the onion into rings.  I used Vidalia onion.  I had them on hand and they're milder and sweeter.  Slicing the onion into rings allows those who are onion haters to easily push the onion aside or fish it out. 

Dressing

1 c apple cider vinegar

1 c sugar

1 Tablespoon Salt

2/3 c oil  (I always use Olive Oil because I like the taste and I think it's healthier)

Put the dressing ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a boil.  This will take 5-8 minutes.  Stir to make sure the sugar has been incorporated into the sauce properly.  CAREFULLY pour hot dressing over the cabbage/pepper/onion combination.  I then add a light sprinkling of garlic powder or one or two finely diced cloves of garlic and about 1 T of celery seed.  Let it sit til it cools, without stirring.  Then stir and refrigerate.  It should last in the fridge about 3 weeks and be good to the last drop!

Now I do have to tell you that Slavko may have claimed this was an old family recipe, but I've seen similar recipes around the 'net.  It doesn't really matter; what really matters is that the stuff tastes GOOD and just might be the ticket to getting your picky eaters to eat a serving of vegetables.  If you don't like all that sugar, try reducing it to 2/3 cup.  Your slaw will be more tart, but it's still good.  Also, if you want to up the nutrition a bit, or have a natural way to substitute for some of the sugar, you can hide a shredded apple in there and it will still taste yummy.  You might even like it better.

Oh, and by the way, you may find recipes here from time to time, but I don't think you'll ever see all those nice food pictures you see on some blogs.  I have the world's tiniest kitchen and one little thing out of place makes it look like a hurricane blew through there.  Now, if only I had that kitchen Pioneer Woman has at the lodge, it would be a different story........

So, now that you've had a taste of slaw, how about a taste of the 80's?  When I originally saw this color scheme, I didn't think much about it.  But, as I worked with it, I realized it was spot on for the colors I wore in the 80's.  I think I owned a business suit in every one of these colors save the gold.  (I look like death warmed over in gold.)  And of course, every jacket got rotated around to pair up with one of my black skirts or a pair of black slacks.  I was the height of fashion.....  If you don't have photos from the 80's because you're way too young for that, I say "good for you".  I wish I were too, LOL.  But, you can easily work with these colors anyway.  Here, let me show you what I'm talkin about.

I have to admit that after I made the connection to the color palette, I purposely tried to create prints that would have been perfect for blouses to go with my suits, LOL.  There's nothing like a walk down memory lane, after all, is there?  Now if I could just find my shoulder pads!

The kit will be on special during the introductory period.  You can also buy just the elements, just the papers, or just the alphas at ACOT.  I will be putting it into the store just as soon as I finish up here.  So, give me until about 9:30AM Pacific Time, just in case the store's software is cranky this morning.

Alright.  That's enough for now.  I've got to get on over to ACOT and start uploading.  And then I've got to get over to the shredder and start shredding, and like that.  Time to get the day started.  Have a good one!

 

Sunday..........

The REAL morning after.  The Memorial Service is behind me.  It is such a load off of me.  I am so NOT a party/social person and that alone was difficult yesterday.  And, then, to try to contain my emotions, well that made it harder.  I clouded up during the Honor Guard and I clouded up while Pastor Joel read the comments I had written and I REALLY struggled during the song I had chosen from me to Joe--Someone to Watch Over Me.  But I made it through.  And I kept my eye makeup in tact. 

I didn't drag everything in from the car last night.  I made three trips and decided that was enough.  I left two containers of food out there.  Hey, it was gonna be down to 40 degrees--the food is NOT going to spoil.  And I left the photos I enlarged for the service and some papers.  They'll be there when the sun comes up.  No problem. 

I was just beyond dealing with it any more.  I did bring the flowers in.  I was afraid it might be too cold for them.  They really are beautiful.  The arrangement we had up front is mostly white.  In the center they added three beautiful peach colored roses.  Lovely.  I didn't want much for the tables where the food was served, just a little spot of color.  They found me Gerbera Daisies in almost exactly the same shade of peach.  Those delicate colored daisies, with just a spot of green, in a bud vase were just fine.  I do have to admit being a bit paranoid carrying those into the house.  Heavy on the box with the many little bud vases.  And I desperately didn't want to fall with the larger arrangement.  Our front walkway is heaved up.  I'm sure it's the result of tree roots.  And, without the outside lights, you really have to pay attention to where you put your feet just so you don't stumble.  But I got those few things and one load of food into the house and I'll grab the rest when it gets light.

I just tried to type out the story of how Joe and I met for you.  I got down to highlighting the text and hitting Ctrl-C to copy it over here and the whole thing just went away.  BUT, I got it back.  Here ya go:

It was November, 2001.  I was engaged to Darrell.  Darrell was a wonderful guy and I just thought he was over the top.  But, all of a sudden, after we’d been trying to figure out Thanksgiving with his family and how to include Jen and me, he decided he didn’t want to be married to ANYONE and the engagement was off.  I KNOW it wasn’t because he didn’t love me.  I KNOW it was because he was scared to death and scarred by other relationships in his life.  But, Oh, God, did it hurt. 

I immediately got angry and went and signed up on a Christian singles site, just to spite him.  I looked at guys who were of brands (denominations) where I knew they would have a real experience with the Lord.  Oh, my goodness, I never saw such a bunch of sour pusses in my life.  If they thought those sour faces would be attractive to the opposite sex, at least, in my case, they were dead wrong.  And, if those sour faces were their “normal” faces, I wanted no part of THEM.  I thought they all looked as though they’d swallowed a live 3 pound bass that was banging around in their stomachs and fighting to get out—a SUPER case of stomach upset!  Then I ran across ONE GUY with the greatest smile.  Let me show you:

Isn’t that a great smile?  AND this guy said his hometown was Daytona Beach, Florida, just about 20 miles from where I grew up.  At least we’d have something to talk about.  I sent him an e-mail. 

I learned later that he, too, had been dumped.  We called her The Lady R.  I don’t actually remember her first name, just that it started with R.  He was never very clear on what happened there and I never pushed it.  In any case, he was just 3 days from the expiration of his membership when I e-mailed him.

We talked—e-mail and IM.  Back and forth.  He eventually let it out that he had no place to go for Thanksgiving.  Well, my girlfriend and I were having a big “do” for our families at her place, and so, I invited him.  (Later, I learned that he DID have invitations but was angling for a way to meet me.)  So, we were set to meet on Thanksgiving, surrounded by my friends and family, at my girlfriend’s house.

In the meantime, I was really still SO in love with Darrell.  I was praying on the way home from work one day and, honestly, the Holy Spirit must have done the driving the last half way.  I have NO recollection of it at all.  I arrived home, plopped my stuff down, and headed for my bathroom.  On the way, I passed my dresser and there lay my engagement ring from Darrell.  Somehow it seemed I was supposed to put it back on.  So, I did. 

I did take the engagement ring off for Thanksgiving.  Duplicitous of me, no doubt.  I remember just almost being sick when I heard footsteps on the stairs up to her apartment and I realized they were NOT Darrell’s footsteps.  But this guy, Joe, seemed quite nice.  He talked a good game and he had a great smile and beautiful blue eyes.  He ate dinner and climbed in his car and headed back to California. 

So, there I am, wearing this engagement ring.  And everytime I looked at it, I prayed for Darrell.  I prayed for the healing of the relationships with his 3 kids who were holding his past life against him.  I prayed for God to put drops of Jesus’s blood on all the old wounds and scars on his heart.  I prayed for God’s protection over him.  Many, many, many times a day.  And this guy Joe kept sending me e-mails and Instant Messaging me.  We “talked” sometimes for hours a day.  We talked through December and we talked through January and we talked through February.  And I was still wearing Darrell’s ring……..  I didn’t seem to matter that I was still wearing Darrell’s ring because this Joe guy seemed perfectly content with e-mail and IMing me and the 250 miles that separated us.

When March rolled around, Joe wanted to come to Vegas and I just came up with an excuse.  When April came, he tried again; he wanted to come to Vegas.  I came up with another excuse.  But the guy hung in there like a bulldog.  When May came around and the subject of a visit came up again, I finally had to level with him.  I told him the strange story of how I really felt God had told me to put that engagement ring on my finger and until the ring came off, No, I couldn’t be with Joe.  I really figured once I told him that story, it would be over.  But, I forgot the “bulldog” in him. 

While Darrell and I were engaged, I had given him my father’s watch, with the understanding it would pass to Jennifer and/or William if something happened to Darrell later on.  I had asked him for the watch and he actually got snotty with me.  Asked me if I asked for ALL my gifts to be returned.  Hmmmmm.  As June rolled around, there was the anniversary of my father’s death, Fathers Day, and my father’s birthday all in one.  And suddenly it became more and more important to get that watch back.  Finally, on June 12^th, I called Darrell.  I offered to buy him a different watch if he so desired, but I asked for my father’s watch back.  He told me he’d been carrying it around for months, but had just never gotten up his courage to call me and arrange to get it back to me.  He invited me to dinner that night.

Meanwhile, in southern California, on June 11^th, one day earlier, Joe was in his apartment, in his bathroom.  (We have always believed the acoustics are better in bathrooms—it just seems you can hear the Lord’s voice better in there………) He was getting ready to go somewhere, shaving, showering, fixing his hair, when he heard “Marry Marci”.  He looked all around, but sure enough, just as he suspected, there wasn’t another living human being in that bathroom, but he distinctly heard those words……..Now, Joe was Baptist, and Baptists absolutely believe in hearing from the Lord.  However……….the preferred method is to read the Word and allow the Holy Spirit to talk to you through the Word.  The preferred method does NOT include audible words in your bathroom.  But, Baptist or not, Joe heard audible words in his bathroom.  He was pretty well convinced he had taken leave of his senses.  After all, he WAS hearing things in his bathroom and Marci wouldn’t even have dinner with him or allow him into the same state.  How in the heck was he supposed to marry her? 

While Joe pondered all this, I was getting ready to have dinner with Darrell.  We sat in the restaurant for 3 hours.  We talked as we always had.  I learned that during the 8 months I had worn that ring and prayed for him, he had survived a heart attack, he had survived treatment for bladder cancer, and the Lord had reconciled him to two of the three kids he’d “lost” along the way, and had established a careful friendship with their mother.  Hmmmm.  I guess that was a pretty good series of reasons for me to be wearing that ring.  And then as our time together was drawing to a close, he asked for the ring back.  We hugged and kissed in the parking lot and for a brief moment it was like old times.  Then he turned and walked to his car with tears streaming down his face and drove away.  

I went home and called Joe.  My first words were that the ring was gone.  We made plans to spend the 4^th of July weekend at the home of some friends of his, in Mexico.  On the way south, to Mexico, we stopped at The Waffle Spot for breakfast.  (That place became a regular stop for us on subsequent trips over the years.)  Joe didn’t say a whole lot, just enough to keep the conversation going, but he sure seemed intent on every word that came out of my mouth, every freckle on my face.  Later, of course, when he told me the story of God speaking to him in his bathroom, I realized that he was REALLY checking me out, asking himself, “Could I REALLY marry this woman?”  I only knew it felt as though I was under a microscope, and, indeed, I was.

His friends’ home was right on the ocean with a view of a little inlet on the front and a view of the whole Pacific ocean on the right.  And the afternoon we arrived, within about 20 minutes of our arrival, 4 porpoises came to play in that inlet.  I took that as a sign from God that I was right where I was supposed to be.  4 ½ months later, Joe and I got married, on Thanksgiving Day, VERY happy that God had given us to each other.

I don't know where and I don't know when, but I'm supposed to babysit the kids this morning--Jen has to work.  I hope it's not 7AM.  I have a blazing BP headache and timed release BP meds don't work that fast.......... Anyway, I have to get going.  I need coffee and I think I might even indulge myself in an Ibuprofen. 

It Is Finished........

I have just come home from the Memorial Service.  It was well prayed over and God was faithful and it went well.  I want to thank my mother, my aunt, and Byron who stood in prayer with me through this service.  My allergies acted up and my eyes watered a bit, but I made it through without crying.  I cannot tell you what a load that is off my mind.......

I couldn't estimate how many people came.  Fewer than I expected from California.  Fewer than I expected from ICLV.  But, still a good crowd.  The Gideons showed up in force, more or less.  They all pretty much sat together and filled an entire row of chairs and some extras.  Joe's ex-brother-in-law, his ex-wife Cheryl, and the three girls came.  Jonathan stayed home with Cheryl's new husband.  Matthew's mother and aunt were there.  Several members of Patty's family came.  There were folks from Cal Heritage Financial where Joe worked before he moved here.  The former owner and his son from the construction company where Joe worked were here.  Several of my clients and friends came to show their support.  I invited the three girls to sit on the front row with the family as Joe would have wanted.  Cheryl declined to sit with them and sat with her brother.  Afterwards, her brother, Jim stopped by to say that Joe was 15 years his senior and was like a father to him, because he never had a dad.  He explained how Joe had taken him under his wing and helped him buy his first car and buy his first house and when Joe bought his first Beamer, he allowed Jim to drive it even before he drove it himself.  I know there had to be at least 50 people there, maybe more.  Since I was up front, there was no way to count. 

We began with an honor guard from the US Navy.  Even they were wonderful as the crematorium had failed to give Matthew the flag for the honor guard when he picked up the urn.  But, the commander of the honor guard had a spare in her car, Praise God.  The flag was officially presented to me in the name of the President of the United States.  I felt that flag should belong to Matthew and saw to it he left with it.  Next we had an opening prayer by Pastor Steve Beeson.  I had written some things about Joe which Pastor Joel read to the gathered folks.  Let me see if I can cut and paste it here:

We are here today to honor a warrior for Christ, Joseph Jesse Evans.  There is no higher compliment we could pay Joe than to call him a warrior for Christ.  We are here to honor the life of service he lived, the light in a dark world he was.  We may cry for our loss, and it’s a BIG loss, but, without a doubt, Joe is dancing, like David danced before the Ark of the Covenant, in the streets of Heaven, worshipping his Daddy, Jehovah God. 

Joe was born on December 31, 1949, in Lynchburg, Ohio, the second son of Joseph Troy Evans and Mary Alice Thornburg.  Mary Alice died when Joe was 2 and later, he got a new mother, Marge.  When he was a pre-teen, the family moved to Florida.  Joe graduated from high school there and attended Junior College there.  Joe was in the Navy during the Viet Nam war and served on a “tender” ship in Viet Nam and in Japan.  Upon leaving the Navy, Joe began working in sales and attending Mt Sac Junior College.  Later, he became General Manager of a closely held construction company.  Eventually he became a loan officer and, after marrying Marci in 2002, he became manager of a local office for a California-based loan company.  He was a graduate of Kairos School of Ministry.  With the downturn in the economy, Joe took a job as a cab driver for Frias Cab.  Joe is survived by Marge, his stepmother, George, his brother, Marci, his wife, his five children, Matthew, Misty, Christy, Erica and Jennifer, and his beloved grandchildren, William, Jonathan, Atticus, Elizabeth, and Matthew Jordan. 

Marci says Joe was her sounding board and prayer partner.  He had memorized more scripture than anyone she ever knew—he was her walking concordance.  She was always second in Joe’s life.  Many times, she wanted to be first.  But THAT place was reserved for God Himself.  Her place was to come along side Joe, teach him, support him, and enable him to grow to be the man God created him to be, and then to push him out the door to go serve God as his heart desired while she kept the home fires burning

Before Joe surrendered his life to the Lord, he did all the usual things folks do for enjoyment including wine, women and song.  Just a few weeks ago, Marci learned that Joe had once taken a class to learn to play Bacarat.  He was so good at it that he ended up being banned from Las Vegas and Atlantic City casinos.  You see, before Joe used that amazing memory of his for scripture, he used it for counting cards.  But, after his encounter with Jesus Christ, his life changed.  Many of you remember Joe for his good humor, for his smiles and jokes.  That was Joe.  Every day, those smiles and jokes were offered up to God as a part of Joe’s effort to share his joy in Christ with others.  He wanted his life to be a life of service, a living sacrifice to his Lord.

In the last few years, Joe worked as a cab driver.  When he worked night shift, he didn’t like dealing with some of the people most “church people” never encounter—the prostitutes, the homeless, the unwashed, the foul mouthed, the drunks.  He didn’t look down on them; he grieved for them; they broke his heart, night after night.  They were a reminder of the fact that, but for the grace of God, he could have been just like them.  Joe never shrank from telling people about his experience as a Christian.  He knew the emptiness of living without God and wanted to share a better way with those he encountered.  It was Joe’s opinion that a life given to God was far more fulfilling than a life given to work, to wine, women and song, even better than a life given to golf.  Eventually, Joe began driving a handicap van, yet another place he could “serve”. 

Joe sacrificed financially.  It wasn’t just that he didn’t earn much.  It was that his small earnings were a choice.  You can read in the Las Vegas paper about Las Vegas cabbies, but you can’t read in the Las Vegas paper about a cabbie like Joe Evans.  Joe could have hustled people with the best of them, but he refused to do or say anything that he thought would compromise his integrity or reflect badly on God, based on his understanding of scripture.  He wanted a clean heart and clean hands before God and that was never just something he worried about on Sunday—he lived that choice every day. 

Joe was a GIVER financially.  He would rather feed a hungry child in Africa than have a new pair of shoes.  In fact, he would proudly show you the pair of shoes he bought 20-some years ago and still wore to church or the suit he wore on speaking engagements that was purchased from the second hand store for $14.99.  He GAVE whatever he could to help hurting people.  Sometimes it was just a dollar to a homeless person, but it gave him a thrill to hand over that dollar.  He firmly expected that God would repay every sacrifice.

Joe could not give as much money as he wanted, so he gave his time.  He gave his time to his favorite ministry, the Gideons.  He spoke in numerous churches in southern California and here in Las Vegas on their behalf.  He passed out Bibles and served as chapter president, acting in one of his gifts, the gift of administration.  He served repeatedly as a deacon and as head of the deacon board at his church in California.  He taught Sunday School every Sunday for years.  He served this church as an usher.  And, if you needed help with a flat tire or a stopped up toilet, Joe would get in his car and come “serve” you too. 

But, his greatest sacrifice was the sacrifice of praise.  The Bible says if we don’t praise God, the stones will rise up and praise Him.  Joe made sure those stones got to stay right where they were supposed to be.  Circumstances in Joe’s life didn’t seem to “merit” praise, but Joe’s God always merited praise.  He played Praise songs in his cab and sang along, slightly off key.  One of the reasons Joe loved this church was the praise and worship part of the service.  He would fairly dance in the aisles when the worship team got warmed up.  Joe believed in exuberant worship and praise. 

Joe was a good man; he wasn’t a perfect man.  He could be impatient and sometimes, when he should have been casting his cares on the Lord, he was trying to carry them around all by himself.  For years, Marci’s prayer was for a man to “watch over her”.  That was exactly what she got when she married Joe.  It was Joe who taught her, finally, what marriage was intended to be.  But, for years, even before she met him 9 years ago, he longed to be home.  Home with the God who loved Him enough to send His son to cover his sins. 

We know you don’t have to die and go to Heaven to be with Christ daily.  We live each day with the expectation that when we’ve surrendered our lives to God, as Joe Evans had, Christ is right there with us every hour of every day, a constant source of comfort, strength, and joy.  But, we gather to celebrate with Joe that he is finally in that place he so longed for and no circumstance, no person, no care in this world can interrupt his dance now.  He has earned those words “Well done, good and faithful servant” that he longed to hear.  He has “run the race and finished the course”.

Pastor Joel clouded up during his reading of all that. 

I was first in speaking about Joe.  Before I began speaking, I told everyone there that I had decided to wear make up to look good so I wouldn't embarrass Joe.  I told them it was their job to see to it that I didn't cry because if I cried, I'd not only have trouble with my inherent shyness but I'd also look like a freak.  So, their job was to be sure and come and talk to me, but to come and tell me a funny story about Joe.

I had been asked to tell the story of how Joe and I met.  Maybe I'll type all that out for you blog readers tomorrow.  I think I'm a little done in to do that today. 

Matthew followed and actually, his comments were limited pretty much to a letter from his Uncle George which he read aloud to the group.

Next came Tom Patchin, the man who followed Joe into the position of President of the local Gideon camp.  His words were powerful and, I swear, I think he was near tears as he spoke about Joe.  One of the things he mentioned was that he believed that in the past 4 years, Joe had raised over $100,000 for Bibles for around the world, and had helped pass out 50,000 New Testaments in Las Vegas.  That's a mighty good contribution to the Kingdom for one man.........

Next was Glori Ann Smith, Joe's friend and fellow cab driver.  She gave just a tiny bit of her personal testimony and talked about how she had met Joe.  Apparently, a fellow cab driver discovered she was a Christian because he found her listening to a sermon by Bishop T D Jakes one night.  He asked her if she was a Christian and she said yes.  He said, "Oh, then you have to meet this guy," and walked her up to Joe's cab and introduced her.  She spoke of how she had often called Joe with problems and questions and how Joe had always answered her Biblically.  She also spoke about how Joe's death had forced her to face certain things in her life that needed to be dealt with and so, even though she was already a committed Christian, her life had changed with Joe's death.

Pastor Steve Beeson read Byron Pederson's letter to the group and did a good job.  I had to edit that a bit because Pastor Joel requested I get it down to one page.  Here's Byron's letter:

Hi, my name is Byron Pedersen.  Joe was a dear spiritual leader in my life, and is definitely going to be missed.

I had the pleasure of meeting Joe about 15 yrs ago.  The first thing that stood out was his love for the Lord, his laughter and, especially, his charisma.  Joe and I had a working relationship and I was blessed to be able to spend lots of time with him during each week for about ten years.   I trusted Joe to confide in about my personal struggles in life.  He was always able to make me smile, to bring me up and bring me back into having confidence with the day-to-day challenges at hand – encouraging me both in work and in family matters.  He truly is going to be missed.

Due to health reasons, I’m very sorry I can’t be there in person to express how much he meant to me and how instrumental he was as a spiritual mentor in my life.

If you had an opportunity to see me standing here, and if I showed a photo of who I was a year before I met Joe, you’d be astounded and amazed what the Lord Jesus has done.  Joe was deeply used by God to help me get to where I am now, and I know that Joe would want me to say on his behalf, Jesus was truly the reason why we were able to get through the daily struggles.

Knowing Joe, I know he would want to say that our source in life truly is Jesus.  It was always his heart’s desire that all those he knew and loved would know Jesus and join Joe in eternal life.

Joe loved his family.  Even though there were struggles and adversity, I tell you all from the bottom of my heart, the one thing that Joe shared frequently  with me, through the years was to please keep everyone in prayer.   I know that most of you here do not know me, but I spent a lot of time with Joe and he always, always talked about his family and how much he loved you and cared for you.  I know that Joe would stand here and say to you, “It’s now time to rejoice, be happy, stand up tall, because I am in the place where there’s unspeakable joy.  Tears, fears and worry do not exist where I am now.  Please know that I couldn’t be happier, that I’m okay, that I’m at peace.”

I will close with this:

When I got the e-mail and phone call from Marcie on the same day I found out that Joe had suddenly passed (after I just had a great conversation with him in Florida where he was visiting his mom), my first thoughts were, “Joe, you rascal!  You made it to the party before me”.  I was doing internal back flips and felt joy for Joe.   I knew my brother was safe and at peace, and the struggles of the last few years were at an end.   It took a minute for sorrow to set in.  My sorrow is for my loss.  My joy is for Joe’s gain and the knowledge that I will see him again.

Please, everyone, remember as you move on with your lives, time is precious and goes by extremely fast.  The victory lies in the moment of today.  Tomorrow may never come.  Turn to the ones you care for now, today, and hug them and tell them you love them as if it may be your last hug or expression of love.  Please remember Marcie and the kids and keep them in prayer.  Be their encouragers and comforters. 

To the friends and family members here, Jesus is the only way to be able to find peace like this.  Yes I have tears, yes we’re going to have long periods of grief and sorrow, but the only person that can fill this void for us is Jesus.  Whether you know Him or not, please consider today recommitting to Him or inviting Him into your life to have a personal relationship with. 

“Joe, I will see you at the party soon.”

Pastor Joel then spoke briefly on Chapter 11 of the book of John, the story of Lazarus's death.  He did ask us all to close our eyes and then asked the magic question.  Yes, praise God, two people raised their hands for salvation.  I had visions of Joe turning handstands in Heaven.  Though only two raised their hands, I'm sure more seeds were planted.  Then we all repeated the sinner's prayer.  Then Pastor Joel called for a few minutes of reflection and opened up the mike to anyone who wanted to speak.  Steve Beeson took the opportunity to talk about his experience with Joe during the time Joe attended classes at Kairos.  Mary Evans, Joe's first wife, said a few words.  And Jennifer had some nice words to say about Joe as well.  I had thought maybe some of the California folks would say something, but they stayed quiet.  The service was closed with Pastor Joel asking everyone to join in prayer for the family. 

Then we adjourned to the gymnasium area where tables were set up and the food was waiting.  There was more than enough food and quite a number of us took food home.  Many folks came by to compliment me on the cole slaw, and a number of the ladies asked for the recipe.  I've got e-mail addresses for them and I'll take care of that tomorrow or next week.  Art outdid himself on the food with turkey and ham, wheat bread and croissants, as well as all the trimmings for a good sandwich.  He also provided a pasta salad, carrot cake and chocolate cake as well as lemonade, coffee, and bottled water.  Leftovers were divided up between myself, Matthew and Patty, Jennifer and several of the ladies who helped serve. 

The church is to be commended on how well they handled things.  From the beginning, I had a lady to call who was in charge of event planning.  It was she who ran around checking departmental church calendars, making sure we were gonna be okay in the sanctuary at that time and date.  She was also there when I met with Pastor and took care of getting the programs printed.  When the church's person who usually handles sound experienced a death in his/her family, a substitute was found.  What a relief that was!  They actually got one of the songs wrong but I won't tell anyone if you don't.  When I arrived at about 9:15AM, there was a circle of about 9 people in the lobby, holding hands and praying over the service, God Bless them!  I was assigned a "personal assistant" for the duration.  Her job was simply to look after me.  I wanted to bring her home with me but that didn't work out.  She also had a lady she was training so I kind of had two assistants.  The ushers turned out to "ush", a day of service for them on a Saturday.  They already had a table out front for the guest book.  I placed two photos of Joe there--one from his enlistment in the Navy and one from our wedding.  Matthew added some photos including the photo taken of Joe holding Matthew Jordan.  They already had a table set up in the front of the sanctuary where I placed a floral arrangement, a recent photo of Joe, and the urn.  Until the military honor guard did their thing, the flag was also there.  And, they had the room all set up for our time together over food as well as a number of ladies who had volunteered to help serve the food.  What more could I have asked for other than a full sized choir and 20 minutes of rockin praise music?  Well, yeah, maybe that would have been a bit much.  AND, all of this was provided without charge. 

So, now, I am going to go lie down and hope for the sleep that eluded me last night.  Just an hour or so and then I need to unload the car. 

To my husband Joe, if you are reading this over my shoulder, I hope it was the party you'd hoped for.  I did my best.  To the relative who expressed unhappiness yesterday about the service, thank you for being grown up enough to come to me today and apologize.  Now, where's my pillow?

We have arrived..........

Oh, I am a bit of a mess this morning.  I am so glad today is here and I am so nervous about today.  Simultaneously, and in turns.  I laid awake for a long time last night, just begging God to turn my mind off and let me sleep.  Finally He knocked me out with a sucker punch and I got about 5 hours of sleep. 

When God put Joe and I together, He had a decent idea.  We were opposites in so many ways and a good balance for each other.  Joe was Mr. Charisma and perfectly happy in just about any social situation.  I do not do well in any social situation.  I draw blanks when it comes to chit chat.  I can stand in front of a crowd in an "official" capacity, teach a class, make a speech and do brilliantly.  But, be just me and meet people I don't know or don't know well and think of something to say and actually force the words out of my throat.........not part of my skill set.  I have actually physically turned and run from such social situations in the past, much to my daughter's dismay.  Joe on the other hand could work a crowd like your favorite politician.  He'd make jokes and slap backs and I'd stand there and look like a deer caught in the headlights.  So, I learned to let him cover any social situation and I'd just keep my mouth shut and follow along and mumble a little something every now and then and no one knew the difference.  Unfortunately, he will not be there today and I am going to have to try to get through this with "only" God's help.

I do not do emotions in public.  So, the last thing I want to do is cry all over myself this morning.  But, I know that when the first person approaches me and tells me what a great guy Joe was and how much he will be missed, the floodgates will open.  I will be in danger of dehydration simply because I'll lose more water out my eyes than I can pour in through my mouth.  But, quite honestly, my tears are not for the world's entertainment.  They are private.  At least they're supposed to be, by my rules, and I'm rather sure that's not going to happen today.  My great debate with myself is whether or not to bother putting on eye makeup today.  I'd like to look decent and eye makeup would certainly help with that--until I am forced to cry and then it will look worse than if I were wearing no makeup. If I were a man, I wouldn't have these problems to solve........

And, after yesterday's e-mail, I have to approach this whole thing knowing that for some people it is not about what Joe wanted this to be.  It's about what "they" think is right.  And, I will be judged because this will not meet their idea of what it should be.  Do I know what they think it should be?  No, of course not.  That is part of the game.  But, I am concerned that fault will be found.  And held against me for years to come.  I've done my best and it's too late to change anything, even if I would change anything.  But, I've stayed true to what Joe wanted, and I most likely wouldn't change anything anyway.  So, there ya are!

I thought about Joe's girls coming in to the service and really feel they should be seated with the family.  But only one of the twins has ever met me and the other has not and is really shy.  Of course, Erica knows me.  But, because Misty is so shy, I almost feel as though to ask them to sit with the family, I have to ask their mom to sit with us as well.  That will certainly piss some people off.  And, if their mom's new husband comes with, where the heck do I seat him?  I will of course ask Matthew's mom to sit with us.  But, Joe would be heartbroken if special care were not taken of "his" twinners.........he loved them dearly and was their "Daddy" from the time they were five years old.  I've been told they were nearly hysterical when told of his death........And, to him, it made no difference whatsoever that Erica was adopted.  She was "his baby" and he'd have brooked no argument from anyone who disagreed. 

I've also been thinking about introductions.  Very few of the California people will have met me and none of them will know Jennifer or the grandkids.  None of the Vegas people will know the girls.  My friends will know Jennifer but not the girls or Matthew.  So, should I introduce the family?  It somehow seems right but, who knows.

I know the crowd, however big it will be, will cut across a broad swath of people.  Different religions, different reasons for being there.  Some of my clients/friends are coming and I know it is to support me.  Many people are coming from CA just because they knew and loved Joe.  There will be people there from the church who knew Joe.  There will be people who are from Vegas who knew and loved Joe but who don't have a clue who any of the other people are.  So, do I recognize groups of people and thank them for making the effort to join us?  I dunno.  But, I certainly don't want anyone to feel left out.

I have not looked in my closet to try to figure out what to wear.  I certainly hope I can find something I'm comfortable in.  I don't necessarily want to wear all black.  So, there's another big question mark.  What in the world do I wear?  I've lost some weight which is good but will I be able to keep my pants up if I wear slacks?  I've got at least 3 pairs of everyday slacks that are quickly turning into "carpenter pants" and are going to be taken off my list of things to wear really soon.  I wish I could wear a sweat shirt and jeans.  At least then I'd be comfortable in my clothes.

So, as you can see, I'm a wreck this morning.  If God doesn't hold me together, I will be a mess before this is over.  PLEASE pray for me..........

I didn't get a whole lot done yesterday.  In fact, I'm not entirely sure what I DID do yesterday.  It's a bit of a blur of e-mails, phone calls and emotions.  I know I did some more shredding.  I know I printed out the four photos I'm taking to the service and that took a lot longer than I'd expected because of printer problems.  Prayer seemed to be the answer for one of the printers, finally.  I know I scrubbed and scoured in the kitchen for a while.  I carried a bunch of trash out.  I think I was just about to wash the kitchen floor when another phone call came in and I totally forgot to get back to that.  I think, mostly, I watched Season 1 of Law and Order on Netflix and stewed about "stuff".  I guess you'd have to say it wasn't a very productive day.  And, I guess that's okay once in a while.  I also know that I haven't been able to get my blood pressure down into the normal range since yesterday morning and that doesn't do anything good for my ability to accomplish things.  Oh, I remember I ate brussel sprouts yesterday.  I was quite proud of myself for eating a healthy serving of a vegetable.  There were eight in my bowl.  The first two or three tasted pretty good but they went downhill fast after that so that I was forcing myself to eat them at the last.  Joe was the big fan of brussel sprouts; I just fixed them for him.  Now I eat them because they are in my freezer and what's in there WILL BE EATEN.  Oh, and while they were cooking I got rid of some stuff that was in the fridge and moved some other stuff around.  Still not cleaned out, but better, definitely better.  Once the cole slaw comes out, I'll actually have some room in there.

So, about noon or so today, I will try to close the part of my life that has concentrated on death and dying and try to get on with the business of living.  If I try to figure out the "future", I have no clue.  I know God's got something up his sleeve; I have faith it will be good.  But, I cannot get a mental picture of the future.  So, I thought last night about the movie "Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail".  I remembered how Indiana was required to go from one cave to another, across a deep chasm.  He had to do it to save his father's life, but there seemed no way.  But, as soon as he took the first step, a footbridge appeared under his feet and he walked across in complete safety.  So, all I'm required to do is take the first step, in faith.  So, for the next few days, I will get my tax software installed and set up.  I will see if I can make the big printer work or if I'm going to have to go buy a new printer.  I'll work on quarterly tax returns and W-2s and 1099s for the office.  I'll shred and sort papers.  I'll try to keep the dust and dog hair to a minimum.  I'll finally get one or two of those lightbulbs I bought installed in the fixture outside.  I'll just try to keep doing the mundane things of everyday life til God shows me something different to do. 

Alright, enough of this.  I need to spend some time in prayer or I won't make it through the day.  And, I want to get everything gathered up that needs to go with me to the church so I don't forget anything.  And I need to go try on a few outfits and see I can find something to wear.  You folks be blessed today, okay?

The day before.....

It's the 28th, 23 days since Joe passed away.  Tomorrow is his Memorial Service.  I do not have words to begin to say how much I wish it was over.  I have said my good byes to Joe, as much as that is possible.  I honored him in life and I will continue to honor him in death.  Tomorrow, as I see it, is Joe's last chance to say what he would have wanted to say to his family and friends and their chance to work on "closure".  It's for them, not for me, and not even for Joe who is too busy in Heaven to take much note. 

Today, just 24 hours before the service, I received an e-mail from a family member who felt it necessary to express an opinion on what he/she imagined the service would be.  And, of course, what that person imagined was not favorable.  Perhaps it is my fault for not communicating better, but I've done what I can to get through the past three weeks without adding stress to anyone's life.  In that capacity, I've gone ahead with the plans for the service in the manner Joe and I had talked about several times over the last few years.  I've taken care of all the details that I could possibly take care of.  So, I am a bit beaten up to have this come up now, but I'm going to roll with it and smile for Jesus anyway. 

I've been working around the house today, trying to get the kitchen back into some semblance of order after all the cole-slaw-making that's gone on out there this week.  About 4 gallons worth of cole slaw, to be exact.  And, though I failed to mention it here, Max managed to get in there and play in the trash so there's more than a little cleaning to do, LOL.  And, I've got full trash cans here and there which are being carried out to the outside can.  I just walked through the living room and noticed that the tables are once again covered in dust and dog hair--it's a never ending battle.  I've even gotten my licks in on the shredder.  And, the phone has rung off and on all morning.  But, my primary job has been getting these photos printed out.  I think I've got some pretty good photo editing skills, but one photo is from the 1960's, another was taken with a 2MP camera 8 years ago, and like that.  And, my usual photo printer died some months back and I haven't been able to replace it, so I'm working with another printer that just can't do as good a job because it's not designed to be a photo printer.  For a while, I was in despair.  I have two printers attached to this computer and I couldn't get EITHER of them to print.  Finally, after prayer, one is working.  The other is the one I was relying on for tax season.........  Got no clue what I'll do about that at the moment; it acts as though it is not receiving the message properly from the computer.  Fortunately I have a few days before I really start to sweat that one.  So, the printer dropped a blob of ink on the first print of the photo from the 1960's.  Threw that out and tried again.  Second try is a bit fuzzier than I'd like, but it'll have to do.  I had a very nice close up of Joe I took recently.  I doctored it up a little bit, smoothed out his skin a bit, but I couldn't help myself.  Then when I tried to print it, it came out very red.  Got that worked out and reprinted.  Third photo is just a bit dark in spots but I'm not messing with it any more.  Now to scan the final photo and enlarge it and get it ready to go. 

All right.  That was my little middle-of-the-day break.  Onward.  I think I'll put on some praise and worship music.  That just might be what I need to get through the rest of the day.  That and some food, maybe?  And some meds.  Later.....

It's been a loooooooong day...........

When I originally contacted the church about a Memorial Service for Joe, I requested one of 3 pastors who knew Joe personally.  The one who originally was assigned was the one who probably knew Joe the least well of the three.  I was subsequently contacted by the pastor who I felt knew Joe best and he agreed to do the service.  This morning we met to firm up the order of service.  Praise be, they found someone who could pull the music together for me.  What a relief that is!  By 2PM today, arrangements had been made to receive the flowers, the little souvenir programs were printed, the food was paid for, and every detail I had to attend to except printing and framing a few photos was taken care of.  Phew!  Pastor Joel talked me into saying a few words.  If you pray, pray that I will be able to tell the story of how Joe and I met without crying.

I left the church, which is right by my house, and dashed across town to the near east side where I had lunch with Karla, a very special, very dear friend.  From there, I ran to the office on the near west side of town and did payroll and got some other work done.  Then it was time to pick the littles up from Day Care, take them home to the far east side of town and supervise til their Mom arrived. 

I have to tell you, Miss Elizabeth is one sharp cookie.  She wanted me to open the fridge, so I did.  On the bottom shelf was her little sippy cup, drained but for a drop of milk.  She pulled it out, handed it to me and smiled sweetly.  I asked her if she wanted some milk and she nodded her head and pointed to the milk carton.  Later, I talked to their mom on the phone and Mom said to feed everyone cereal for dinner.  I was talking to WIlliam about that when Elizabeth walked over and opened the cabinet where the cereal is kept and handed me a box! I can't tell you how much I wish I could stop time and keep her just like she is right now for years to come.

Praise God, Joe's friend who offered to pay for the food came through.  I thought he would, but I had to scramble around today and find $500.  The check had not come and the food guy needed money so he could purchase the food.  He has to cook tomorrow..........  I was blessed to find that check in my mailbox when I got home tonight.

I saw the owner of the company where I work briefly today.  He has been very kind to me.  He has decided he's going to keep on fighting to keep the company running.  I'm glad.  He has some good staff with which to work and is an extraordinary salesman.  I'm sure, if he puts his mind to it, he can make it work. 

I just walked out into the kitchen.  The answering machine was beeping.  Phone messages from friends, just checking up on me.  I am blessed to have such good friends.

While I was having lunch with Karla, I learned she has a handyman that she has a lot of faith in, both for doing good work and for being honest in his billing.  The Lord and I just had a conversation about my need to find someone like this two nights ago.........  I'm going to e-mail her and get his name and phone number.  I have about 5 jobs that really need to be taken care of around here.  Two of them I could most likely do myself if we weren't just hours from the kickoff of tax season.  One of them involves electrical wiring and I DO NOT do electrical.  One involves concrete to be deposited inside the top row of blocks on the front block wall.  I somehow can't imagine myself climbing up on a ladder and pouring concrete in there.  And the final job is the pet door project.  I had requested that Jason take care of that, but I think it will be just as efficient at this point to have this guy do it. 

Well, before I ripped out of here this morning, I divided my time between the kitchen, shredding, and design.  The kitchen is not back to normal, but I can get it straightened up in the morning.  I only did one round of shredding, but I did remove a bunch of staples from the first batch I'll hit tomorrow morning.  I made really good progress on the kit I'm working on.  I should easily have that ready for previews tomorrow. 

I have no clue where my life is headed from here or what tomorrow holds, other than the dream job.  So, I spend a lot of time praying about all sorts of things.  And, I keep stressing to the Lord that I need a cloud of fire to lead me, like He gave the Israelites in the desert centuries ago.  I need CLEAR direction that I CAN'T miss.  I love designing scrapbook kits.  And, I've purchased a lot of graphics to work with for future kits.  I have scazillion ideas rolling around in my head.  But, I'm sure not getting rich from it.  I know that not very many people are.  The market is saturated with would-be designers and customers are watching their pennies, nickels and dimes more closely than they used to.  Nevertheless, the big question in my mind has been whether I should continue on.  I WANT to continue on, but it does involve many hours of work for very little pay.  Honestly, I could make way more flipping burgers at Mickey D's.  So, I've been asking about whether continuing to design is part of His plan for me.  In response, my sales this month are more than double what they were last month.  And, with all that's gone on this month, I've put so little time in on designing.  I'm taking that sales figure as my cloud of fire.  Making progress this morning and being very pleased with what I turned out, that, too, is part of the cloud of fire.  If I find that sales dry up at some point in the future, or if design is no longer something that brings me joy, or if I run out of ideas for kits, I may decide the cloud is leading in a different direction.  But, for now, I'm just glad to go on doing something I enjoy so much.

Alright, I'm going to bed.  It was a loooooooooong day when I started writing this and it's gotten a lot longer, LOL.  I need some rest and tomorrow I'll hit it again.  Night all.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about........

Several months ago I put out a kit called State Fair.  It was bright to the max and intended to work with all the glitz and neon that happens when the state fair is in town.  Even a small town carnival will work with this kit, or a trip to the circus.  Let me show you the kit, 'cause you may not remember it.

This morning I went exploring in the gallery at ACOT.  I found this darling layout by "Keling" who is really Sara Westhead of my CT.  (She's also on the ACOT CT.)  This is just the sort of occasion for which the layout was intended:

Sorry that's coming out so small.  If you'd like to see details or leave Sara some love, you can find the layout here.  Anyway, the kit is in both my ACOT and NDISB stores.  Go for it, ladies--it's a fun kit!

So, I now am the proud owner of 3 HUGE Tupperware containers of cole slaw.  I chopped my way through 9 heads of cabbage, 3 large Vidalia onions, and 3 orange peppers.  Used 2 full 32 oz bottles of vinegar, 9 cups of sugar, and 6 cups of olive oil as well as some celery seed.  Hopefully it will be eaten Saturday morning as all I really want to bring home is the empty containers!  I don't think I'll be eating cole slaw for a while.........

I did some more shredding yesterday, but not a lot.  But, I am thankful I can finally report I think I've actually REALLY worked my way through all the stuff Joe saved for 2004.  So, I'm officially shredding in 2005.  Also VERY happy to report I found an ergonomic staple remover in his desk and my hand is lovin' that.  Even though I pulled a lot of staples, it doesn't hurt!

There is now a small bare spot right in the middle of my desk.  My mission now is to enlarge the bare spot, LOL.  

And I am down to one car box.  Yeah!  There are still things to put away from the boxes, but not too many and I almost have the entryway clear again.  I am not sure, but I actually think we owned two cars and three sets of jumper cables.  Guess one or two sets of jumper cables can go in the garage sale if that's the case.  

The one thing I really wanted to get to yesterday was installing my tax software and I didn't make it.  The cole slaw took longer than I'd like, I had a number of LOOOOONG phone calls (totally drained my cell phone battery), and my back was being a pain so I laid down for a bit in the early afternoon.  All that ate up my available time.  

Went outside to get the mail yesterday and noticed a phenomenon I can't quite explain.  My trash can is now half empty.  If you remember, I put it out after the trash guys had gone.  At least that was my conclusion based on examining the trash cans of the neighbors around me.  So, how did it get to be half empty when it was full to the brim?  And why HALF empty?  Why not just empty?  Oh, the mysteries of life.  

I actually kind of cooked yesterday.  I made some potstickers for dinner.  It's as close to cooking as I come these days, LOL--you know, on the stove with a pot or a pan.  I made fewer than I would have before, but I actually ate all I made so for those who are worrying about nutrition and all that, they were chicken AND VEGETABLE potstickers and I ate a reasonable serving.   

I screwed myself up royally yesterday.  Sure enough I missed a lunch date.  A lady who I really like, respect, and admire had invited me to lunch.  Somehow I thought it was today.  And so, 17 minutes after I was supposed to have arrived at the restaurant she called and I nearly upchucked on my desk.  SO embarrassing.  She was, of course, sweet and gracious about it and we rescheduled for today.  Now today is looking like a giant zig zag pattern on my calendar.  Starting with a meeting at the church about the Memorial Service (right next to my house), then running to the near east side for lunch, then to the near west side to work, then to the far east side to watch the kids til Jen gets home from her second job, then back home to the west side.  And, maybe, if the timing is right, a trip to the Health Department to pick up extra copies of the Death Certificate so I can start making the rounds of government agencies and other places next week.  I should be worn to a frazzle by nightfall.  I'm gonna be praying for strength for sure. 

Well, we are down to the last two days before the Memorial Service.  I still have not received the check from the guy in Idaho who promised $500 for food.  He says it was mailed Monday.  I'm kinda starting to hold my breath.....  As far as I'm concerned, the food is what it is at this point.  Either everyone will eat their fill on what we have or the Lord will have to multiply it like the loaves and fishes.  The flowers are on order and they contacted the church yesterday to arrange for delivery.  I haven't printed out the photos I want to use yet, but they're all saved in one specific folder on my hard drive so even with putting them in frames, that shouldn't take more than an hour.  Planning on starting that this morning. The big puzzle is what to do about music and maybe I can get that solved this morning.  I got a call last week telling me that the person who would ordinarily handle the music had a death in the family and we'd have to take care of that ourselves.  I just have no idea what format will work with their system--tape, IPOD, CD, etc ..........  At this point, I'm ready to have the first ever Pentecostal Memorial Service without music.  I have other battles to fight that are more important to me, long term.  I know Joe wouldn't want me stressing myself out over this. It IS hard to believe a church of this size wouldn't have back-up systems/people in place.  Oh well.........

I got next week's kit uploaded for the CT yesterday.  I normally put new product in the store on Mondays and upload the following Monday's kit at the same time.  I just couldn't pull myself together to do that this past Monday.  But, I was feeling pretty bad that I didn't get that done, so I went digging through my stash of completed kits.  Turns out that I uploaded the kit I'd intended all along to upload for next week.  It's gonna be another fun kit.  I am cutting the ladies a little short on creative time, but I am hoping they'll roll with it.

I worked some more yesterday on the newest kit I'm working on, one dealing with death/loss.  I'm at maybe 50% now.  I somehow picked this kit to get all creative on layered flowers.  That took a while.  Silly me!

If you're a regular reader, you know I was having problems back in December with my Valentine's kit.  I think I went through 4 or 5 color schemes before I found one I liked.  As it turned out, I ended up with a kit that has its share of hearts, but is in non-traditional colors.  When it came time to put it in the store, I decided I didn't like it.  Well, I looked at it again, on a day when I was in a better mood, and decided it's fine.  No, it's not all red hearts and flowers, but if you want to scrap about a kid's valentines party, or something like that, or make some fun Valentines cards, it will work very well.  So, I'm going to try to finish that up and get it in the store SOON.  Obviously, I am going to have to watch how my emotions impact my work this next little while.......

Alright, I've got to get rolling.  I have 3 hours and 14 minutes til I have to leave the house and a WHOLE lot to accomplish between now and then.  Y'all be blessed!

 

3 weeks ago.......

My husband died, very unexpectedly.  I thought it would be a good idea to look at what all I've gotten done in the three weeks just to encourage myself.

The below was written on day 10:

So, besides surviving without falling into a heap on the floor, what have I accomplished in the past 9 days?  Well, we found a crematorium.  I chose an urn.  We got it all paid for thanks to Jen.  I wrote an obituary.  We got it published.  We did a viewing.  I got all the public areas of the house vacuumed.  I've eaten at least twice a day.  I've made an initial foray into the fridge and cleared some space.  I've chiseled old coffee off the countertops and bacon grease off the stove top so that the business side of the kitchen is in order.  The sink is empty and the dishwasher is slowly filling up.  I've cooked and frozen several large bags of fresh veggies I knew I couldn't eat before they went round the bend.  I've handled hours and hours and hours of phone calls.  I've sent an e-mail out to selected folks on my e-mail list and all of Joe's mailing list to let folks know he's gone.  I found A document to prove I am owner of the vehicle we are trying to shepherd back home.  I got the VIN.  I tried repeatedly to get keys made.  I finally found Joe's set of keys and today will reclaim that car.  I've sorted through all the incoming mail and separated checks from sympathy cards from upcoming bills.  I've cracked the codes on our on-line bank accounts.  I've set up a filing system I understand for household expenses.  I've gotten some information about less expensive cell phone plans.  I've paid my advertising lady and put new product in my main store.  I've met with attorneys and other sources to secure information about bankruptcy and social security.  I've cleaned up 3 weeks of laundry.  I've started a pile of Joe's things.  I've gone to work 3 days.  I've put gasoline in the van.  I've done banking.  I've held initial conversations about fixing up the floor, my first step in trying to make this place salable or rentable, if need be.  I've gone through our bank account and figured out some sort of budget, just to prove I can continue to eat as long as I don't plan on eating much, LOL.  I've set up what I think of as a daybook-on-line.  I had to--my order for my Franklin planner did not go through, I had to re-order, and I won't receive it til next week.  Meanwhile there are a million things whirling around in my brain and I needed a place to park them.  I've met with the church and gotten things rolling for a Memorial Service.  I've actually spent one evening socially, with a friend of Joe's that I didn't know well, but now know better.  I've successfully taken over two of Joe's jobs--taking out the trash and keeping the pups fed and watered.  I've gotten my tax software ordered and paid for.  I'm not sure that's a complete list, but even so, it's not bad for the week after one's husband has passed away, when you're coming from behind with the flu and still fighting its remnants.  

And since then:

We found the keys to the clunker, jump started it and got it home.  Since then, I've removed the license plate, had William clean it out, dragging 5 boxes of "stuff" into the house, and gotten the insurance changed to remove Joe as a driver.  I can't take the car off the policy til I find or order a duplicate copy of the title.  I've culled through three of the 5 boxes.  I've added gasoline to both cars.  I've done some babysitting with the grandkids.  I've had lunch with friends who were in town with a scrapbooking design group.  I've been to Costco.  I've washed several loads of dishes, including the 8 glasses that were recovered from Joe's car.  I've vacuumed throughout the public areas of the house and now need to do it again.  I got the hall bath cleaned and touched it up after William used it Sunday.  I've had a two hour meeting with my future boss, he who has offered me my Dream Job and came away encouraged.  I've handled a bunch more condolence calls and had lunch with a sweet friend.  I've shredded an entire outdoor sized trashcan full of old tax records.  I've called the Crematorium repeatedly and finally, yesterday, got the word that the death certificate is ready.  I've filed the request for the Honor Guard for the Memorial Service.  I've managed to unload a 52# bag of dogfood from the car and get it all into the house.  I've gotten in touch with the food guy about food for after the service and finally, yesterday, extracted the promised budget and menu from him.  I've ordered some flowers for the service--not many, just one bouquet for on the table at the front of the church and a bunch of little bud vases for the tables where we'll be eating.  I've talked with AT&T and cut back the mobile phone plan to less than half of what it was.  I've managed to liquidate my IRA so there'd be some available cash and I've received the checks.  I re-ordered and finally received my precious planner refill.  I've done some baby sitting with my beloved grand kids.  I've applied to sell my designs in a new store and managed to make it past the first cut.  I've tasted my first ever chocolate chip pancake, graced with fresh whipped cream, and loved it.  I've packed up 3 boxes of Gideon stuff for Joe's fellow Gideons to pick up--haven't called them yet as I'm sure there's more.....  I've found and purchased a guest book.  I've found and edited all but one of the photos I want to put out at the Memorial Service.  I've bought table cloths for the tables at the Memorial Service.  I've done a bit of design work on a new kit; still miles to go on that.  I've picked out all the music for the Memorial Service.  I started work on sorting and dusting in the office and packed up one garage sale box and thrown away a LOT of stuff with Much, Much, Much more to go.  I 've managed to scare myself with the thought that the fix-a-flat in the front tires of the van had quit working, but they looked better the next day, so I'll think about that some other day.  I've created a triple recipe of cole slaw to add to the food guy's stuff and still have two triple recipes to make.  I'll have that done this morning.  And, I've fielded at least 3 phone calls from clients with questions.  I finally navigated through the mine field that is the IRS's website to secure a preparer ID number, a new requirement this year.

There is much I haven't done that I should have done, but there is progress and I'm not going to beat myself up for what isn't done.  I am still struggling with the after effects of the flu, coughing up phlegm.  Still having asthma related symptoms.  I've started back on antibiotics as I do not want this to turn into pneumonia, if it hasn't already done so.  But, I'm clean, I remember to eat something most days, I am doing reasonably well on taking my meds, and my vitamins.  And, I have just generally held myself together and continued to be functional.  No, not functional at my best, but still putting one foot in front of the other and accomplishing multiple somethings every day.  Yes, I've had a number of crying jags now.  They sneak up at the craziest times.  Yesterday's was when I went to tell the lady what I wanted on the card for the floral arrangement.........  My sleeping pattern is not as good as it was the first few days when I fell into bed and didn't wake up til morning.  In fact, last night, I was up wandering around the house for 3 hours in the middle of the night.  So, when I'm tired, I lie down.  And, I don't allow myself to feel guilty about that.  I've kept a tight rein on what money goes out of here.  I now need to make sure bills are paid.......  So, not too bad, I guess for the first 3 weeks after the death of my husband.

I checked last night and I don't remember having any specific plans to meet anyone today.  I'd better check again in case I've forgotten something.  My brain is a bit like a sieve these days.  And, I'd better get a to do list together and see where/how we can advance the cause of living today.  Y'all be blessed!

I seem to run out of steam earlier and earlier.....

Here it is, not quite 5PM and I'm tired.  But it's been an okay day accomplishment wise.  FINALLY, there is one lousy copy of the death certificate for me to pick up from the Crematorium.  Took 3 weeks!  I am hard put to even imagine that, but there it is.

I have chopped 3 heads of cabbage and have the dressing made for it.  1/3 of the way done.  I'm doing 9 small heads.  I finally got the budget and menu from the food guy and it looked a little thin to me.  So, I decided to put together a huge tub of cole slaw.  If I can manage it, maybe I'll do some pasta salad too.  My cole slaw is all hand chopped........  I couldn't believe the itty bitty heads of cabbage they had at Vons, but itty bitty heads are easier to chop so I'm not going to complain. 

I did a bunch of shredding and then missed the garbage pick up.  Silly me.  So, I have one full can of trash and it's 3 days til the next pick up!  Actually I have a big bag, too, but I haven't put that out yet.  So, one empty outside can stands between me and Friday with all the shredding I have to do.  I suppose I can resort to filling up a garbage bag if I have to, but that gets messy, trying to dump the shredded paper into the bag without decorating the floor.

I managed finally today to get my preparer tax ID number.  The IRS website for most things is not bad to deal with, but for this, or maybe it's just my current jumble-headed state, it has been horrendous.  But, praise be, I got 'er done today even though it took forever.  Now I can prepare the few returns I do legally.  Legal is good for a Christian, dontcha think?  Now to get the software installed.........

I ordered some flowers for the Memorial Service.  For anyone local, I highly recommend the Rose Shack on South Rainbow.  The lady there was amazingly helpful and didn't seem at all interested in stealing every last nickel I had.  She may be the only person I've encountered since this whole "death" thing started who WASN'T interested in stealing every last nickel I had........  I ordered one arrangement for the front table where the urn and a photo will sit and 9 small bud-vase type arrangements for the tables where folks will be eating.  We asked that folks contribute to the Gideons instead of sending flowers, but I wanted there to be SOMETHING there.  She asked me if I wanted anything on the card for the arrangement at the front of the church and I could barely choke out the words.  Still have a lump in my throat, actually........

William had his surgery today.  Once they got in there, they decided it wasn't an inguinal hernia at all but rather a malfunction in a vein.  They scared the dickens out of Jen by telling her that if things didn't go well, he might lose a testacle.  Well, God was on duty, and that didn't happen.  Last I heard, she had taken him home and he was high as a kite on morphine and delivering a long lecture on mini robots.

I even managed to acquire a guest book for the Service today.  Phew!  Another detail tended to.  I naively asked someone how in the world people put on a funeral just 2 or 3 days after a loved one dies.  The answer was that they hire someone to take care of all the details and pay thousands for the service.  I can believe it........

I have more cabbage to chop, so I want to get at it.  Then I have to make a LARGE hole in the fridge to store it til Saturday.  Later......

In everything give thanks.......

That's what the Bible says.  That's a tall order.  Thankfully, we don't have to give thanks FOR everything, just in everything.

What am I thankful for today?

1) The endoscopy shows Atticus does not have Celiac's.  The doctor has some theories as to why he is not growing, but he hasn't shared those yet.  But, it's NOT Celiacs.  Celiacs is healed, as I prophesied it would be.  Now, what's next?  Give me a name for it and I'll pray it gone too, LOL.  I remember the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit the night I first prayed for his healing and I knew it was a promise.......

2)  William's swollen testacle turns out to be an inguinal hernia which is easily operable.  They will do the surgery today.  Grandma has volunteered to take the night shift at the hospital so he's not alone.  That way Momma can be with the littles.

3) The food guy for the Memorial Service finally got in touch with me.  An e-mail with a menu and a budget.  Phew!  Now, I'm waiting for the check to come in to cover the cost.....  It ain't gonna be fancy but it will give folks something in case they're making the drive back to southern CA the same day.  And, the opportunity to chat about Joe or whatever will relieve their stress a little.

4)  I believe God may have given me a glimmer of "why" yesterday.  I don't like it much, but it's at least a hint.  Thank you, God, for caring enough to let me know.  I know you're never wrong, but maybe this time you're a little short on right, to paraphrase some dialogue from In Harm's Way.........

5) I am down to 2 boxes from the car.  William said he found 4 umbrellas in there.  Isn't that funny?  We live in the desert!  Now if I could just find the title so I could donate that car and get it off the insurance entirely.  I am tempted to order a duplicate title as that only takes 6 weeks and I have no clue how long the "seek and ye shall find" method might take.

One of the items recovered from the car is a very nice pattern for an outfit for me.  I was so tempted to get in the car and go buy fabric yesterday.  But, then, I knew I'd want to sew instead of continuing on with cleaning and sorting.  I'm easily sidetracked..........  So, no, I didn't do that, yet.  No promises I won't do it soon, though!  It would be so nice to have something new to wear......  It's been a LONG time.  Of course, I'm not eating much and I'm dragging 52# bags of dogfood around, so waiting would be smarter.  I'm bound to be smaller tomorrow than I am today.  What size would I make? 

I had thought I had actually shredded all of our tax stuff except the hard copy of the return for 2004.  It turns out I celebrated too soon.  I found myself working my way through a 3 inch thick file from 2004 again yesterday. And to think, I still have 2005, 2006, and 2007 to go.  There could even be a 2003 shreddable file or 4 or 5 lurking in the file cabinet.  Joe kept every donation receipt throughout the year, not just the final one with a total.  Copies of every check he received for loan deals and every check we received for signings, oy!!  Copies of every power bill and gas bill and water bill, and on and on.  All with 2-3 staples in everything.  Between the volume of paper, the fact that this is just a little "personal" shredder and can't handle staples, and the fact that the shredder only works for 4-5 minutes max at a time, I'm gonna be shredding this stuff all year.......  Well, it will keep me busy and out of trouble.

So, today I will print out 8 x 10s of the photos I've enlarged and get them into frames for the Memorial Service.  They look darned good.  I do still need to scan one and enlarge it.  I had thought of having one blown up larger, maybe 16 x 20, but......I don't want them all fuzzy looking.  So, maybe I'll leave well enough alone.  I still need a guest book.  I guess I have to hit a Hallmark store sometime today.  Only 4 days to go and I don't want to be running around trying to corral this stuff at the last minute.

I think I have finally decided to try to create an "old-fashioned" casette tape of the music.  I found it all on You Tube.  If need be, I can set up a portable tape player next to a microphone somewhere at the service.  I doubt Jennifer is going to have time to mess with it with Will's surgery and all. This will require moving heavy objects, but, I'm getting stronger, right?

My checks from my IRA came in yesterday.  That will help keep the wolf from the door this next month or so.  I hated doing that, but it was SO small.  No one could have "retired" on what was in there anyway.  And, since I still don't have Death Certificate, I can't do anything about finding about Life Insurance or liquidating Joe's IRA which, I think, is smaller than mine, if that's possible.  We've had to make a number of withdrawals from that to keep the monthly bills paid this last year.......

So, I'm going to toddle off and get started on my day, even if it IS 4AM.  I'll start slowly but I'll start.....

Atticus had the endoscopy yesterday.  He thought the whole hospital thing was great fun.  He got to drive an electric car to the operating room and he got to wear funny PJs and play with a Wii in the waiting room.    Jennifer has always looked young.  I remember she was home from college and someone came to the door and asked to see her "mommy".  She looked about 12.  Yesterday, at the hospital, the anesthesiologist said "Where's your mom?  I need to talk to her about Atticus."  Guess she still looks like a kid at 30!